BREAK THE [WOUNDS + UNAWARENESS] CYCLE!

Yesterday, I watched the Biggest Loser Final and I was struck by how some of the younger contestants started that life was passing them by. I was struck by this because I know now that life is passing my by. I was in a loveless marriage for 20 years, I have two college degrees but a low paying job. I was divorced three years ago and I have not had one single relationship and I seem to have no hope of ever finding one. I turned 50 a few months ago and feel that the odds are getting tougher and tougher to ever find a mate, find an exciting career and basically participate fully in life rather than just going through the motions.

My divorce was a bad one and I live with my three adult sons. They love me dearly as I do them, but for the most part, my needs as a woman constantly go unfulfilled. I notice in my kids that they still have some wounds and are unable to fully bond with their dad and his new wife. My husband had an affair, everybody knows about it and it continues to have an major impact on communications on all levels.

My life wasn't always like this but it has certainly evolved into nothingness. I have worked hard to grieve my marriage as well as all the losses I have experienced. I have learned to listen to my inner voices to find out who they are and how and when they take control. I have taken responsiblity for my own shortcomings that led to a divorce, but what's next? I firmly believe that there is always a silver lining, and I put a lot of faith in God, but I feel that it's a tough battle sometimes not to be overwhelmed with sadness, loneliness and dispare. I tried to going to a therapist, but I found focusing so much on my "problems" jus accebated them.

Any suggestions?

Hi - Thanks for your post - I suspect you speak for many people. Your description is a clasic statement from a "Grown Wounded Child (GWC)" (http://www.sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm) If you commit to serious work identifying your ruling personality subselves and freeing your resident true Self, I'd bet you'll discover a growing passion for some aspects of life on Earth. See how this strikes you - http://www.sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm

mdmar wrote:Yesterday, I watched the Biggest Loser Final and I was struck by how some of the younger contestants started that life was passing them by. I was struck by this because I know now that life is passing my by. I was in a loveless marriage for 20 years, I have two college degrees but a low paying job. I was divorced three years ago and I have not had one single relationship and I seem to have no hope of ever finding one. I turned 50 a few months ago and feel that the odds are getting tougher and tougher to ever find a mate, find an exciting career and basically participate fully in life rather than just going through the motions.

My divorce was a bad one and I live with my three adult sons. They love me dearly as I do them, but for the most part, my needs as a woman constantly go unfulfilled. I notice in my kids that they still have some wounds and are unable to fully bond with their dad and his new wife. My husband had an affair, everybody knows about it and it continues to have an major impact on communications on all levels.

My life wasn't always like this but it has certainly evolved into nothingness. I have worked hard to grieve my marriage as well as all the losses I have experienced. I have learned to listen to my inner voices to find out who they are and how and when they take control. I have taken responsiblity for my own shortcomings that led to a divorce, but what's next? I firmly believe that there is always a silver lining, and I put a lot of faith in God, but I feel that it's a tough battle sometimes not to be overwhelmed with sadness, loneliness and dispare. I tried to going to a therapist, but I found focusing so much on my "problems" jus accebated them.

Any suggestions?

Yes, I may have a few. But first I need to know where you are with regard to your knowlege of psychology. Particularly child development and personality theory.
Have you read "Im OK,Your OK!"? If not, I would start there Also, I would stop watching network TV, Go jogging, take the dog for a walk, or if you must watch something public TV or link TV is not as hard on the brain. How old were you when your parents divorce . are you a later-born child? is you next older sibling male or female? what is the age difference?....BTW I do know EXACTLY how you feel. Waiting for your answer, Henry