BREAK THE [WOUNDS + UNAWARENESS] CYCLE!

hi everyone,
i wouldnt want to call myself a GWC, but probably it would be good to do so. The fact is I love my mother a lot so I just dont want to blame her for all that has happened in my life. I dont think blame and guilt is the way out.

the story: mother had a very bad temper, father I think hugged me maybe once while I was growing up, I grew up very shy and very... well "see through" I got married at the 18 to a german muslim, this relationship ended up pretty abusive physically but more so emotionally. he event wanted to marry a second wife, and used this a means of manipulation in bed. so in the end, I had no idea what was going on with me. Enmeshment is a pretty good description. this went on for 8 years.

how did I get out of a situation I didnt even know I was in?? Since I had two children and nothing to live on, I could never even fathom leaving him. I could have never have done it without the help of someone who was probably one of the few people who was able to wake me up. So apparently having "fallen in love" with this person, my husband kicked me out of the house, and I was forced to leave my children with nothing to offer.

It has been two years since then. I see my children regularly but they do not live with me, and this is really the hardest reality that I have to face. i just dont feel like I have the power to fight for custody. I thought I was better and over the worst part. But in the last month a lot of emotions have been coming out again. I am doing a lot of meditation and finding other forms of spiritual help, which has helped me a lot. sometimes I have been depressed, not knowing what to do with my life. Now I am realizing that this is all do to a very deep lack of self esteem which obviously started in my childhood.

Anyways, now it is all about finding our personal power and following our dreams. The only way to stop being a victim is to stop thinking like one.

all the best
nadia

alright, i did do this, i approached my mother on this, she has changed a lot and always is working on herself. yesterday, she told she has been diagnosed with a brain disorder, her blood vessels in the brain dont function properly and it is getting swollen.. she barely can not eat anymore because her stomach has become paralysed... and this disorder is genetic!

thanx i appreciate your reply

again, i agree rebellion is the only way to access forgivenss, that's marshall rosenberg and non violent communication, I recommend this book a lot

I use to blame my mother when I began the process of looking within. Then I realized that she is a victim as well. Her mother was essentially abandoned on a door-step and raised by neighbors. Low nurturance gets transferred down the line. It is our privilege to live in a time when information like that in sfhelp.org is freely available.